About EBSA
When your child is struggling to go to school: understanding EBSA
What EBSA (emotionally based school avoidance or non-attendance) means, why it happens and what can help, for parents of children who are struggling to go to school.
When a child is struggling to go to school because of how they feel (worried, overwhelmed, low or unsafe), professionals in the UK often call it EBSA.
- It describes a pattern, not a diagnosis. It's a way of noticing that something is making school feel too much right now.
- Nobody is to blame. Not your child, not you, not the school. It usually builds up from several things together rather than one cause.
- It looks different for every child. For some it's a few hard mornings; for others it grows into missing days or weeks.
Seeing what makes school feel harder, what makes home feel easier, and what already helps can make conversations with school calmer and more useful.
You may also hear other names for it, such as school 'refusal', "school anxiety" or "anxiety-related absence". They all point to the same idea: the difficulty is about feelings, not about a child not caring or being badly behaved.
From hard mornings to missing weeks: it sits on a spectrum
Most children feel nervous about school now and then, for example before a test, after a holiday or when something changes. That is a normal part of growing up. EBSA is used when those feelings become strong enough, or last long enough, to get in the way of going to school.
It can range from:
- going in, but with real distress on most mornings;
- arriving late, needing to be collected early, or avoiding certain lessons or times of day;
- missing odd days, often around the same days or events;
- missing whole weeks, or not being able to go in at all.
Where a child sits on this spectrum can change over time, in either direction.
Signs your child may be finding school too much
Children don't always have the words for how they feel, so worry often shows in other ways. You might notice:
- tummy aches, headaches or feeling sick on school mornings, which often ease once the pressure is off;
- trouble getting to sleep, especially on Sunday nights or the night before something hard;
- being tearful, clingy, irritable or angry before school, or very tired and flat afterwards;
- lots of questions about the day ahead, or needing to know exactly what will happen;
- being much happier at weekends and in the holidays;
- holding it together at school and letting it all out at home.
These signs are real, and they are not your child "putting it on". If you're unsure about a physical symptom, it's always sensible to check it with your GP.
Common reasons school starts to feel too hard
Children often can't say exactly what's wrong, and there's usually more than one thing going on. These are some of the things families and schools often find are part of it. None of them is anyone's fault.
- Friendships: falling out, feeling left out, or not having someone to be with at break and lunch.
- Unkindness or bullying, in person or online.
- Learning that feels hard: work that has moved on without them, a subject they dread, or a learning need that hasn't been noticed or supported yet.
- The school day itself: noise, crowds, busy corridors, the dinner hall, changing for PE, assemblies or the journey in.
- Change: a new class or teacher, supply teachers, moving up to secondary school, or changes at home.
- Being apart from you: some children worry about leaving a parent, or about someone at home who is ill or having a hard time.
- Pressure: tests, being asked to speak or read aloud, or worrying about getting things wrong or getting into trouble.
- Not feeling they fit in or belong at school.
- How they're feeling more generally: low mood, tiredness, poor sleep, or worries that go wider than school.
This isn't the same as truancy. Children who are struggling like this usually aren't missing school without you knowing, and many say they want to be able to go. The first reason a child gives isn't always the whole story. It can take time, and a few conversations, for the rest to come out.
Why it can happen: push and pull
A helpful way to think about EBSA is as a balance. Some things push a child away from school, because school feels hard. Others pull them towards home, because home feels easier or safer. At the same time, other things pull them towards school, or help them move from home to school. Difficulties tend to build when the things making it hard outweigh the things that help.
Top row: school. Bottom row: home. Left: what pushes. Right: what pulls.
Pushing away from school
School feels hard: busy or noisy places, friendship worries or unkindness, work that feels too hard, tests, changes of teacher or class, the journey in, or not feeling they belong.
Pulling towards school
Things that draw them in: a trusted adult, friends, a lesson, club or activity they enjoy, support that works, and feeling they belong.
Pushing from home towards school
Things at home that help them go: routines that work, calm encouragement, someone walking in with them, and school days at home being ordinary rather than a treat.
Pulling towards home
Home feels easier or safer: being close to a parent, quiet and no demands, worrying about someone at home, or screens and games during school hours.
There is rarely a single cause. Research with children and young people who have missed a lot of school often points to a mix of things: friendship difficulties, inconsistent support from adults, hard moves between schools or key stages, negative experiences of learning, and their own wellbeing. Many describe losing their sense of belonging at school. Studies also suggest that worry and learning needs that haven't yet been recognised or supported can play a part, so it can be worth asking whether anything about learning is getting harder.
Family life matters too. Changes and pressures at home, such as illness, a separation, a bereavement or money worries, can make everything feel harder. This is not about blame; it simply means the whole picture is worth looking at.
How worry and time off can feed each other
When a child is very worried about school, staying at home brings quick relief. That relief is real, and it is completely understandable that everyone reaches for it. The difficulty is that, over time, avoiding the thing that feels scary tends to keep the worry going, and can make it grow.
The longer a child is away, the more new worries can build up: missed work, changed friendships, or being asked where they've been. Going back can start to feel like a bigger step than it did at first. Understanding this cycle can help you and school plan small, manageable steps forward, rather than seeing it as a choice between "all or nothing".
Why it helps to act early
EBSA is usually easier to turn around when it is noticed early, while it is a few hard mornings rather than weeks at home. You don't need to wait until attendance has dropped a lot before talking to school.
Government guidance in England expects schools to have sensitive conversations with families as soon as they know about a worry that is affecting attendance, to agree a plan of practical support, and to review that plan regularly with parents. It also recognises that, for a child who is anxious about school, being away for a long time can make that anxiety about going back bigger.
Words you may hear from school. Each morning or afternoon counts as one "session". A child is described as "persistently absent" if they miss more than 10% of sessions, and "severely absent" if they miss more than 50%. These are attendance terms, not judgements about you or your child.
Talking to your child about school worries
Many children find it easier to talk when it doesn't feel like a big conversation. These ideas can help:
- Choose a calm time. School mornings and bedtime are often the hardest times to talk. A walk, a car journey or doing something together can feel easier than sitting face to face.
- Ask open, gentle questions. "What's the hardest part of the day?" or "Is there a time when school feels OK?" are often easier to answer than "Why won't you go?"
- Try other ways in. Younger children, and any child who struggles to find the words, may find it easier to draw their day, give a number from 1 to 10, or talk about how a toy or a character in a story might feel.
- Listen more than you speak. You don't need an answer straight away. Saying back what you've heard, such as "So lunchtimes feel really lonely at the moment", shows you've understood.
- Take it seriously, even if it seems small. Something that sounds minor to an adult can feel huge to a child.
- Be honest about what happens next. It's kinder not to promise things you can't control, such as never having to go back. You can promise to listen, to talk to school and to work it out together.
- Ask what they'd like school to know, and whether they'd like a say in what happens next.
- It's fine if they say "I don't know". Many children really don't know yet, and it can take a few tries.
What you can do at home
You know your child best. These are ideas many families find helpful; take what fits and leave what doesn't.
- Listen first. Let your child tell you what feels hard, without rushing to fix it. Show you understand how they feel, even if you can't yet see why.
- Stay warm and steady. You can take a worry seriously and still keep gentle expectations that school is where they're heading. Calm, kind confidence helps more than either pressure or giving way completely.
- Keep the rhythm of the week. Regular bedtimes, mealtimes and mornings are reassuring. Getting things ready the night before can make mornings smoother.
- Notice the better days. When things go a bit better, what was different? Who was there, what happened first, how did the morning go? These clues are often the most useful thing you can bring to school.
- Think in small steps. Going in for part of the day, or for one lesson they like, can be a real step forward.
- Look after yourself too. This is tiring and worrying. Talking to someone you trust, or to other parents who have been through it, can help.
If your child's worry is strong, lasts for weeks or is affecting everyday life outside school too, your GP or school nurse is a good place to start.
My child won't go to school. Where do I start?
It's natural to want to sort things out quickly. Before you approach school, though, it can help to step back and gather together what you already know. Having it in one place makes that first conversation calmer and more useful for everyone. It can help to gather together:
- What your child says about school, in their own words, even if it's only "I don't know" or "I just can't".
- What happens before, during and after school: the night before, the morning, the journey, the school day and how they are when they get home.
- When things are better or worse: particular days, lessons, people or times of year, and what was different on the better days.
- What you, your family and school have already noticed, and anything you've already tried.
- What might be contributing to the difficulty, at school, at home or in how your child is feeling. You don't need to be sure; your ideas are a good place to start.
Ed Psych Now is designed to help you bring this information together. Clear Picture takes you through the questions an educational psychologist may ask and looks at your answers through the push and pull framework described above; it is checked by a registered educational psychologist before it's released to you. You can keep it for your own thinking or take it to school.
Get your Clear Picture · £245How it works
Working with school
Things usually go best when home and school work on it together, with your child's views at the centre.
- Ask for a meeting early. This might be with the class teacher or form tutor, the SENCo, a pastoral lead or the school's attendance lead.
- Go prepared. Jot down what you've noticed: when it started, what seems to make it harder, what helps, and what your child has said. Ask what school has noticed too. There are more ideas in preparing for a school meeting.
- Bring your child's voice in. Children are more likely to go along with a plan they've helped to shape, and they often know what would make the biggest difference.
- Agree a plan, then review it. Support might include a trusted adult who checks in, a quiet place to go, a calmer way into school, a short-term reduced timetable with a clear plan to build back up, or help catching up on missed work. Agree when you'll meet again to see how it's going.
- Ask about wider support if needed. School may be able to involve the school nurse, a Mental Health Support Team, an educational psychologist or early help services. If you think your child may have special educational needs, you can ask about SEN support.
What you can ask school to put in place
There's no single plan that suits every child, and what helps will depend on your child and their school. These are examples of support you can ask about. Think of it as a conversation rather than a checklist, and school may suggest other ideas.
- A named adult your child trusts, who checks in with them at the start or end of the day.
- A calmer start: arriving a little before or after the rush, using a quieter entrance, being met at the gate, or having a small job to do first thing.
- A quiet place to go when things feel too much, with an agreed, low-fuss way of getting there, such as a card or a signal.
- A plan for the hardest parts of the day, such as break, lunch, PE, assemblies or moving between lessons.
- A heads-up about changes, such as a supply teacher, a room change or a trip, so your child isn't caught off guard.
- Help with work: catching up on what they've missed, adjusting homework for a while, or extra help with something they find hard.
- Help with friendships, such as a lunchtime club or being paired with a classmate.
- If you think your child may have special educational needs, a conversation with the SENCo about SEN support and any reasonable adjustments.
- A written plan that says who will do what, with a date to review how it's going.
It can help to take a few questions of your own into the meeting, for example:
- Who will be my main contact, and what's the best way to reach them?
- What have you noticed in school, and when does my child seem most settled?
- What could we try first, and when will we look at how it's going?
- How will my child know who to go to, and where they can go?
- How will we keep each other updated, especially on harder days?
If you'd like your notes in one place before the meeting, see how Clear Picture works. You can take it into a meeting with school.
Going back to school after time away
A return usually works best as a planned series of small, steady steps that build on what already works, rather than one big push. It often helps for your child to know exactly what the first steps will be, who will meet them, and where they can go if things feel too much.
Setbacks are common, especially after illness, weekends and holidays. They don't mean the plan has failed. They are a normal part of moving forward and a useful moment to review what helps.
You might also find these articles helpful: what might be happening when your child won't go to school, school 'refusal' in teenagers, school 'refusal' and autism and preparing for a school meeting. See all articles for parents.
Common questions about EBSA
What does EBSA mean?
EBSA stands for emotionally based school avoidance or non-attendance. It describes a child who finds it very hard to go to school, or to stay there, because of how they feel: worried, overwhelmed, low or unsafe. It describes a pattern, not a diagnosis, and it doesn't mean your child is choosing to be difficult.
Are EBSA and school 'refusal' the same thing?
Broadly, yes. They describe the same thing, and different councils and schools use slightly different names. Many professionals prefer not to use the word 'refusal', because it can sound as if a child is simply deciding not to go. School 'refusal' is an older term you'll still see online. Whatever the name, the focus is on understanding the feelings behind it.
My child won't go to school. Could it be EBSA?
It might be, but there are many reasons a child might not want to go in, and it usually takes what you, your child and school have each noticed to see the whole picture. Signs that feelings are part of it include tummy aches or headaches on school mornings that ease at weekends, trouble sleeping on Sunday nights, tears or anger before school, and being much happier in the holidays. There is more on this in signs your child may be finding school too much, above.
Why does my child get a tummy ache before school?
Worry often shows in the body, especially for younger children who may not yet have the words for it. Tummy aches, headaches and feeling sick on school mornings are common when school feels hard, and they are real, not "put on". If the aches come mostly on school days and fade once the pressure is off, worry may be part of it. It's still sensible to ask your GP to check any physical symptom.
Is my child's worry about school my fault?
No. EBSA usually builds up from several things together, at school, at home and within your child, and nobody is to blame. Most parents respond to an upset child in the loving way any parent would. Looking at the whole picture, including what already helps, tends to be more useful than looking for one cause.
Does my child have to go to school?
In England, parents must make sure their child gets a full-time education that suits their needs, from the term after their fifth birthday until the last Friday in June of the school year they turn 16. Most children get this at school. A child can miss school if they're too ill to go in, or with the school's permission in advance. When attendance becomes a worry, the expectation is that families are offered help and support first. The rules are different in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Can I be fined if my child is too anxious to go to school?
In England, fines (called penalty notices) are for unauthorised absence. Government guidance says that when a child can't attend because they are ill, and that includes their mental health, schools should record the absence as authorised. The same guidance also says that children who feel nervous about school are still expected to attend regularly, with support from school to make that possible. Where unauthorised absence does build up, schools are expected to ask whether support is the right response before considering a fine. Whether an absence is authorised is the school's decision, so it helps to tell school on the first day your child can't go in and to keep talking with them. This is general information, not legal advice, and the rules differ in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
What is a part-time timetable, and when is it used?
A part-time (or reduced) timetable means a child attends for less than the full school day or week for a while. In England, government guidance says this should only happen in very exceptional circumstances, when it's in your child's best interests. It should be agreed by both school and parent, be part of a wider support plan, be reviewed regularly with you and your child, and have a proposed end date, so it's in place for the shortest time needed. It shouldn't be used to manage behaviour. Schools can also consider a time-limited phased return, where a child builds back up step by step.
My child is autistic or has special educational needs. Does that change things?
Autistic children, and children with other special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), can find school especially hard, for example because of noise, crowds, changes to routine or needs that aren't yet met in class. Government guidance in England says these children have the same right to an education as any other child, but may need extra support, and that schools should work with parents on it, including considering reasonable adjustments. If your child has an education, health and care plan (EHCP), school should talk to the local authority if attendance falls, and the plan can be reviewed to include attendance support.
Can I ask for an EHC needs assessment?
Yes. An EHC plan is for children and young people who need more support than is usually available through SEN support in school. If you think your child's needs are part of why school is so hard, you can ask your local authority to carry out an EHC needs assessment yourself; you don't need school to do it for you. The local authority should tell you within 16 weeks of the request whether it will make a plan. Your local SEND Information, Advice and Support Service can explain the process. Your council's website will have details, often under "Local Offer".
Who can help if my child can't go to school?
Usually the first step is school: the class teacher or form tutor, the SENCo, a pastoral lead or the attendance lead. School may be able to involve the school nurse, a Mental Health Support Team, an educational psychologist or early help services. Your GP is a good place to start if your child's worry is strong, lasts for weeks, or affects life outside school too. If you're worried about your child's safety, see Help now. There's more in when and where to get more help, below.
How do children get back to school after time away?
There's no single answer, because it depends on what is making school hard for your child. Returns tend to go best as small, planned steps agreed with school, with your child's views part of the plan and a clear idea of who will meet them and where they can go if things feel too much. Setbacks are common, especially after weekends and holidays, and they don't mean the plan has failed. There is more in working with school, above.
Do we need an educational psychologist?
Not always. Many children are helped by good support at school without seeing an educational psychologist. An educational psychologist can help when it's hard to make sense of what's going on, or when support so far hasn't helped; in state schools this is usually arranged through the school or the local authority. If you'd like a lighter-touch starting point, Clear Picture helps you organise what you've noticed and adds a read by a registered educational psychologist. It is not an assessment or a diagnosis.
These answers are general information, not advice about your child and not legal advice. Attendance rules described here are for England; they are different in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Last checked 26 October 2026.
This page is general information, not advice about your child, and it is not a diagnosis. Every child is different.
When and where to get more help
Most children are helped by home and school working together, but sometimes you'll want more support. You don't have to wait until things are very difficult to ask.
- The school SENCo. The special educational needs co-ordinator can talk with you about whether anything to do with learning, communication or sensory needs might be part of the picture, and about SEN support. You can ask to speak to them yourself.
- Your GP. A good place to start if your child's worry is strong, has lasted for weeks, or is affecting sleep, eating or life outside school, or if you'd like a physical symptom checked. Your GP can talk through options with you, including a referral to children and young people's mental health services if that seems right.
- CAMHS. Children and young people's mental health services (often called CAMHS, or CYPMHS) support children whose mental health needs more specialist help. Referrals usually come through your GP or school, and in some areas families can refer themselves. Your local service's website will say how it works where you live.
- Your local SENDIASS. Every local authority area has a SEND Information, Advice and Support Service. It's free, confidential and impartial, and can help you understand SEN support, EHC needs assessments and how to talk with school. You can usually find it through your council's Local Offer.
- Your local authority's EBSA guidance. Many councils publish EBSA guidance for families and schools. Try searching your council's website or Local Offer for "EBSA" or "school non-attendance", and ask school whether they use it.
- Other support through school, such as the school nurse, a Mental Health Support Team or early help services.
- Support for you. Caring for a child who is finding things this hard is tiring. Your GP, someone you trust, or other parents who have been through it can help you too.
If your child is at risk or in crisis, for example if they seem very low, talk about hurting themselves or about not wanting to be alive, or you're worried about their safety right now, please don't wait for an appointment. In an emergency, call 999. For urgent advice, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option, or contact your GP urgently. Help now has more contacts.
Where to find out more
If you would like to read more, these official pages for England cover the questions above in more detail.
- GOV.UK: School attendance and absence. The basics on when your child must be in education, when they can miss school, and what can happen if attendance drops.
- Department for Education: Working together to improve school attendance (statutory guidance). The guidance schools and councils in England follow on attendance. It is long, so these parts may be the most useful:
- children who feel nervous about school, and the support they should get: paragraphs 54 to 55
- autistic children and children with SEND, reasonable adjustments and EHC plans: paragraphs 56, 59 and 61
- phased returns: paragraph 58; part-time timetables: paragraphs 65 to 70
- who else can help, such as school nurses, Mental Health Support Teams, GPs and the local authority: paragraph 60
- support first, before any fine is considered: paragraphs 184 to 186
- how illness, including mental health, is recorded (code I), and when schools ask for medical evidence: paragraphs 373 to 374
- Department for Education: Mental health issues affecting a pupil's attendance (guidance for schools). A shorter summary of what schools are expected to do when a child's mental health is affecting their attendance.
- GOV.UK: Children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND): extra help. How to ask your local authority for an EHC needs assessment yourself, how long a decision should take (16 weeks), and where to find your local SEND Information, Advice and Support Service and your council's Local Offer.