Preparing for a School Meeting When Your Child Won't Attend

If you're looking for school 'refusal' help, a good meeting with school is often the most useful next step. Schools are expected to work with families when a child's attendance is affected, and the best plans come from home and school sharing what they know.

Who to ask for

You can ask for a meeting yourself. You don't need to wait to be invited. Depending on your child's school, useful people might include:

the class teacher or form tutor, who sees your child most days;
the head of year or pastoral lead;
the SENCo (special educational needs co-ordinator), if you think learning, communication or sensory needs could be part of it;
the school's attendance lead.

It's reasonable to ask who will be there before the meeting, and to bring someone with you for support.

Before the meeting: gather what you know

It helps to arrive with a short summary, rather than trying to remember everything on the spot. Think about:

what your child says about school;
what happens before, during and after school;
when things are better or worse;
what you, your family and school have already noticed, and what you've already tried;
what might be contributing to the difficulty.

Write down the two or three things that matter most to you, in case time runs short. A simple list of dates, such as when things started or changed, can also help. Clear Picture is designed to help with this: it takes you through the questions an educational psychologist may ask and organises your answers into a clear report you can take with you.

Bring in your child's voice

Your child's view matters more than anyone's. Before the meeting, ask them gently what's hardest, what helps and what they'd like school to know. Some children prefer to write a few lines, draw, score parts of the day out of ten, or ask you to speak for them. Older children and teenagers may want to come to part of the meeting.

Questions you might ask

What has school noticed?
Who will be my child's key adult, and how will my child know where to go when things feel too much?
What could change to make the hardest parts of the day easier?
If a part-time timetable is suggested, how will it build back up, and when will it be reviewed?
How will missed work be handled, so it doesn't add to the pressure?
Could anyone else help, such as the school nurse, a Mental Health Support Team or an educational psychologist?
How will we keep in touch, and when will we meet again?

During the meeting

Take notes, or ask the person with you to take them.
Ask for anything to be explained if it's unfamiliar. Schools use a lot of shorthand.
If you feel upset, it's fine to pause.
Aim to leave with agreed actions: who will do what, and by when.

Afterwards

Send a short, friendly email summarising what was agreed and when you'll next meet, so everyone has the same record. Keep notes on how the plan is going, including the better days, because they show what's working. If things aren't improving, ask for a review sooner rather than later.

If you think your child may have special educational needs, ask the SENCo about SEN support. Your local SENDIASS can give free, impartial advice, and can sometimes help you prepare for meetings.

For more ideas about what to ask school to put in place, see our guide to EBSA (emotionally based school avoidance or non-attendance).

Putting what you've noticed in one place

Ed Psych Now's questions are designed by an educational psychologist to help you bring together what you've noticed. Clear Picture organises your answers into a clear report and adds an EBSA-informed view, checked by a registered educational psychologist before it's released to you.

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